I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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