4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
