You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
