I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
