god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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