Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
