There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
