She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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