At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
