what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
