I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
