She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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