i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
