She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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