the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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