Soap is not a condiment
this just has baby written all over it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
