I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
