Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
