i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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