On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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