It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Soap is not a condiment
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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