so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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