Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
