so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
