using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
