I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
