i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
