the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
