I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
