Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
