I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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