Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
