Having a random hookup so left but love u
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
