someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
