Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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