I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize