so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We smell like vodka and hangover
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
