apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
