I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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