i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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