i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
