so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
