zippers are such a cool invention
Four minutes until I can fart!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
