We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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