I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
