i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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