My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
