I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
