he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
