I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
