I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize