my mouth tastes like poor choices
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
