the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
