i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
