HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
there is glitter all over my balls
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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