I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
