If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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