Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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