Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
