Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
