i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
