no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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