he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
