Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
