We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
