please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize