o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
