Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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