i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
