i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
