i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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