plz talk dirty to me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
