i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
