You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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