Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
