Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
