I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
