What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
