You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
