Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
whose parrot is this?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
