The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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