Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
