I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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