I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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