I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
