I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
