Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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