it wasn't lemon gatorade
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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