the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
