Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
