Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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