cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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