So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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