I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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