my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
