There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
