I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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