This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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