I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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