Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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