oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
