just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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