Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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