shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
