He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
