Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize