ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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